NRL News

“My Life” and Her Regret

by | Jan 17, 2012

By Dave Andrusko

My friend was kind enough to send along both the link and a warning–the lyrics are “a little graphic”—to a YouTube video by Jean Grae, who, I am told, is an underground rapper. Granted, this music genre is hardly my area of expertise, but you don’t need to understand all the Urban references to grasp the immense pain, waves of regret, and deep sorrow that surrounds her three abortions.

The preliminaries, if you will, of “My Life” are sadly too common. Away from home, way too young, searching for meaning and the company of men, she is, in her own word, “lost.” When she becomes pregnant, she can’t stand the thought of telling her mother, lest she “break her spirit.”

As she contemplates what she would do/what she has done, the video reveals her churning emotions through a series of paintings. Her volcanic anger is matched only by her wish to turn back time.

Her relentlessly honest description of the dehumanization  that is the abortion clinic is riveting, and her self-loathing after the death of her unborn baby is a part of the abortion “experience” Planned Parenthood is at pains to deny.

The imagery of rain/water/tears is the thread that runs through the narrative.  She begins her “My Life” song/confession with a “Please forgive me,” and she ends with “I’m sorry.” Not surprisingly, given her despondency, there are references to violence and suicide in the song and pictures in the video.

In talking with women who work with post-abortive women, I’ve learned that Grae’s lament –“If I could just reverse time, I would”– is a common defense mechanism. If only….

Likewise, the song combines scorn for those who wanted to help her choose a life-affirming way with fear that there will be an eternal punishment for have given “the authority to end that life.”

In her self-hatred (Grae berates herself for not even being able to successfully commit suicide) and conviction that she can never be forgiven, Grae concludes she can “never correspond with God.”

But those same pro-life counselors would tell her that God loves her just as much as He does the children who’ve been aborted; that He is reaching out to her even now when she feels hopelessly estranged; that He can and will forgive her even though she believes she can never forgive herself.

That’s the love of God.

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Categories: Abortion