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The ‘nightmare’ of having twins,” Part Two

by | Jul 8, 2013

By Dave Andrusko

Photo credit: Channel 4.com

Photo credit: Channel 4.com

It seems like only a few weeks ago that I wrote a post titled, “The ‘nightmare’ of having twins,” but it was actually May 7. As you might remember, a dad penned a ghastly piece under the headline, “My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It.”

Written by “Albert Garland,” the guy’s penname, it was first published (appropriately) at Babble.com, which was then reposted at Huffingtonpost. So what’s he whining about?

Just about everything, but the bottom line was, gosh, we had such a perfect life and one perfect kid, a son. Then they had to go as mess it up by getting pregnant with two kids (via in vitro fertilization), and—wouldn’t you know it?—they were both boys.

According to “Albert,” his wife was every bit, if not more, “pi—ed.” Now “Mrs. Albert Garland” is speaking for herself under the headline, “I’m expecting twins—and I feel like I ruined my family.”

She begins with the same self-pitying lament as her husband. Their now 3 ½ old son was colicky from the get-go, and sleep’s been in short supply. She also more explicitly adorns the protective garb her husband tried on—that this baby (NOT babies) was not for them but for their son. (She doesn’t mention what Albert did—that they had each been an only child.)

There’s a fascinating arc to her story. She reiterates what her husband said—they had tried everything before they “elected to pursue an aggressive fertility plan.” And all those prior failures had left her “exhausted and depressed. The emotional pain was incomprehensible to me. I was eroding as a person, losing weight and not being the best mom, wife, or professional.”

On to IVF.

“The doctors had discussed two options we could take with IVF: either one strong embryo and one not-so-strong embryo would be implanted or two okay embryos would be implanted, with the hope that one would take. Knowing this, my husband and I agreed to transfer both embryos.”

She was stunned when she learned the “Good news” (but not to her). She was told, “You have one stellar embryo and one really good one.” Realizing at 40 that she had been lucky the first round had produced these results—and realizing that the odds of bringing a baby to term would increase if they implanted both—they did just that.

Bad enough that both babies are boys (although, unlike her husband she does not dwell on it). She tells us she feels crappy, can’t do what she did during her first “singleton” pregnancy with the results that “Now my husband is doing everything and running himself into the ground.”

The bulk of the remainder of the post is (a) how awful their life will be; (b) she’s no longer a glass half-full person; and (c) the most revealing comment in the entire two posts: “Why would the universe, God, karma, whatever, whomever think it was a good idea to bring forth twins in our lives? When would anything go my way? Before I had children, it seems like it used to.”

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Hello, do you remember what you wrote in the beginning, Mrs. Garland? How desperate you were to have another child? How when you failed you were “eroding as a person?” How as a result you and your husband “elected to pursue an aggressive fertility plan”?

And, then, wham, a conclusion out of right field:

“I completely acknowledge that for many, the journey to conceive is more difficult than our story. I realize better people than me are out there feeling joyful and benefiting from a far sunnier perspective. For anyone who is worried about me and my husband, our son brings us a ton of joy. We are always amazed by how much we love him, and I’m sure this indescribable love will extend to his brothers. But for now, I’m having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Well…yes. Anyone who is a parent of more than one child can readily appreciate that having twins at age 40+ would not be easy row to hoe for either of them. None of us would cavalierly dismiss her (and her husband’s) apprehensions.

But what we would say in response is exactly what she said at the end: the “indescribable love” they feel for their older brother will extend to the boys when they join them in the delivery room.

And a side benefit: perhaps carrying all the duties for awhile will man up her crybaby husband.

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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: twins