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Confessing human vulnerability and asking for forgiveness

by | Mar 4, 2021

By Dave Andrusko

Over the  years we’ve run dozens and dozens of stories about the attempt of pro-abortionists to “normalize” abortion by (among other tactics) “telling their stories.” The assumption is not hard to figure out. They believe if woman “openly” talk about their abortions, over time the public will grow used to hearing the stories and conclude, hey, it’s no big deal to dismember a living unborn baby. 

Of course, in reality what happens to the defenseless kid is subsumed under the neutral sounding nomenclature of “choice.” My guess is few abortion “stories” talk about separating tiny arms and legs from little torsos.

This subject came up last night in an email exchange with a friend of many years who has counseled many, many post-abortive women. Among the many points she made was the difference between the women who tried to portray their abortion to their living children as a mere matter of “choice” and those women who helped their children understand that Mom regretted her decision with every fiber in her body.

This made me instantly think of  “What Happened When My Daughter Asked About My Abortion,” by Raven Snook (I’m assuming that is her actual name) once appeared on Yahoo’s Parenting section.  I wrote about when it first appeared but I believe it is worth revisiting for reasons I believe will become apparent.

The first third of the story—about Snook’s difficulty in telling her own child about her own abortion—introduces us to “Not Alone,” an organization run by Sherry Matusoff Merfish and her two grown daughters.

Merfish had an abortion in college and did not tell her daughters about it until they went off to college. Beth Matusoff Merfish subsequently wrote an op-ed for the New York Times. We commented on it at the time and are pondering its lessons once again as a fascinating example of burying the truth in the guise of telling the truth.

There was nothing terribly original in “Not Alone,” except that (a) the accounts are short videos posted on the site, and (b) more “stories” than you might think would be posted on a pro-abortion site talk of pain and depression following an abortion.

 Snook asks herself why she “froze” when her then nine-year-old daughter asked, “Mommy, were you ever pregnant besides me?” 

After all, Snook tells us, she’d been open with her friends about her abortion, was “unabashedly pro-choice,” had talked about the birds and the bees with her daughter, “and the fact that women have the right to decide if and when they become mommies.”

  Yet….

when it came to revealing my own abortion — a necessary conversation so that my daughter views it as a personal choice, not a political one — I panicked.  

Which is what led Snook to the discovery that “Apparently I’m not alone.”

I spoke with a number of moms, including a few ardent feminists who discussed their abortions with me, but couldn’t bring themselves to tell their kids. As one admitted, “I don’t know why! I’m not ashamed of it, and it was the right thing to do at the time, but I have this mental block about it. The stigma goes deep.” 

Which led her to the importance of “telling stories” and “Not Alone.” Why should any woman who had aborted—let alone someone who is “unabashedly pro-choice”—dread telling their own kids? 

Just to ask the question is to answer it: all the pro-abortion feminist jargon in the word doesn’t erase the realistic fear that your living children might look at your differently, might feel less secure. 

Snook ends with an unintentionally revealing final paragraph:

I still haven’t answered my daughter’s question. The day she inquired, after a few moments of silence, I blurted out, “Why would you ask that?” and quickly changed the subject. Now I want to find my way back to that conversation, but in an organic way. I’d rather she initiate it than me say, “By the way, have I ever told you about the time I had an abortion?” So I’m waiting, but I know it will come. And this time, I’ll tell the truth.

 “By the way….”? 

“By the way, did I tell you about the time I forget to get milk?” 

“By the way, have I ever told you that I once forgot to unplug the curling iron?”

Taking an unborn child’s life is not a “by-the-way” topic of conversation. Snook squares the circle by telling us that she’s going to find an “organic way” to revisit the subject she quickly changed from.

 But there is night and day difference between trying to portray abortion as an example of how “women have the right to decide if and when they become mommies” and honestly admitting (if you feel it is right to tell your children) that you made an awful mistake.

One is rationalizing an evil. The other is confessing human vulnerability and asking for forgiveness.

Categories: Abortion
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